VOICES FROM THE SPECTRUM What is Autism? Corey Heads: I was first diagnosed with autism when I was three. Lars Penner: I was diagnosed at age thirty-one. Keena Ballard: I first found out when I, when I was just a little kid when I started to have tantrums. Tim Page: It was obvious to the class that I was quote unquote “eccentric,” certainly by the time I was four or five, and the eccentricity was combined with an exceedingly strong will and a great deal of unhappiness if what I wanted to do was not allowed to me. Autism is a term scientists use to describe a group of complex brain disorders Geraldine Dawson, PhD., Chief Science Office, Autism Speaks: Many years ago we used to think of autism as a very narrowly defined condition. We thought that this was a child who never spoke, who was withdrawn from social interaction, and now we really view autism as a broad spectrum. Dawson, continuing: We think of autism as having three hallmark signs. One is a difficulty in social interaction. That can take many different forms: difficulties in maintaining eye contact, reading social cues, developing friendships. The second is a difficulty in the area of communication, not only in the use of spoken language but also non-verbal communication. We communicate with our bodies, with our faces, with our gestures. And then the third area is a tendency to have a restricted range of interest and preoccupations or repetitive behaviors. Difficulties in social relationships Tim Page: I was impossible and arrogant and certain things which, you know, pretty much any four-year-old could do I couldn’t do at nine or ten. Keena Ballard: People being close to me is a real bad problem, really, really close to me, it’s like I’m going to hit them. Alex Plank: I had meltdowns when I was a kid. I would kick and scream and throw dishes at the wall and, and my parents didn’t know what to do. I would, you know, run off. They would put me in time out. I would devise a way to unlock the door in my room, and they would put a new lock on the door. I would figure out how to get out of that lock, and, and they were sort of at a loss in terms of trying to discipline me. Daniel Gross: It was necessary for me to like buy people’s friendship in some way, you know via, through all the things I had available at my mom’s house, like our pool and what not. And in middle school I had one good friend of mine who I actually felt compelled to buy half a cookie and a thing of milk for every day in exchange for being my friend. Liam Wagnon: Every so often I’d shoot off an encyclopedic knowledge of some item of interest, and it would be hard for me to socially interact all the time with other people. Alex Plank: What’s this called? You put your pencils in here? Very interesting. Alex Plank: When I was in the classroom I would raise my hand and answer every single question because I knew the answer and no one else was raising their hand and I would blurt it out, and I thought that was perfectly O.K. and I would correct the teacher when she was wrong about things, and she would get annoyed at me and I would get annoyed that she would be so wrong when she’s supposed to be a teacher teaching these things. Difficulties in communication Jack Robison & Kirsten Lindsmith: The first time that I realized that my experience was not the same as everybody else’s, for example, was I think when I was dating my supernerdical ex, who that we would have emotional conversations, for example normal relationship things, and he would share his feelings why he felt that way about like a problem we were having. And then it’d be my turn, and I had absolutely nothing to say back. And I told him it was like having a blue screen of death going on in my brain. Kirsten Lindsmith & Jack Robison: I deal with, uh, a neutral melting down of being quiet and just sort of, uh, resetting. Uh, she deals with it by Jack Robison & Kirsten Lindsmith: Endlessly talking. Tracy Kedar & Ido Kedar together: If I try to speak, my, my mind can’t communicate with my mouth. Daniel Gross: Back when I was two or three, I could barely talk at all. There were so many like occasions, you know, where I was trying to desperately find other ways to communicate. And, say, even the smallest things, you know, like telling my parents and my siblings about what I wanted to do about like where I wanted to go in the car next, I just couldn’t say physically, and it really frustrated me. Alex Plank: When I was a kid I would spin my arm in circles and run around, and I would make noises. I was incredibly good at mimicking machines. Corey Heads: I had this thing where I would every time at recess I would like swing my arms in a giant arc, and they would say, “Oh, what are you doing?” Then I, my reason for that was like it helps me think. Alex Plank: At the grocery store I could mimic the sound of the register, and I could mimic the sound of the doors opening. I was very good at mimicking chain saws. Restricted and repetitive behavior Tim Page: By the time I was eleven or twelve it was so obvious that I was never going to be good at kickball, never be good at a lot of the things that were accepted in class. But what I was really good at was going to the library and learning a whole ton of information and learning about dates and about old movies and about old records and remembering their catalogue numbers. Kirstin Lindsmith & Jack Robison: I just like, read a lot about chemistry and consequently I know a decent amount about it. Um, and it’s like, um, it’s not that being autistic makes you inherently better or worse at something, like at a skill, but it just gives you the focus ability to read up on it enough to become proficient at it. Alex Plank: Because of my autism I spent all my time in high school writing encyclopedia articles for a project at the time that no one really knew about. It was called Wikipedia and I was an administrator on the project, and I spent every day writing articles, and I got to be a very good writer because of that. Early film by Daniel Gross Hold on. There is appalling news that I don’t think that you want to hear. Then don’t tell me. There’s a hurricane. Nita! Jose! Where are you? Ah! Daniel Gross: I think that, um, that that sort of like, of me knowing in some way that I was having a much harder time of like of engaging with people and with common interests of most people, you know. And I think with me knowing that, I became more motivated to make more and more films and to watch more and more videos and to try like to learn from the amazing visual things that I was seeing on TV. Gas leak can make you pass out, even die but that is the strongest smell, you can tell right away so we can get out. Gee, Alan, you know everything. Tracy Kedar & Ido Kedar together: Because I have autism I am a focused thinker. Interviewer: What do you focus on? Tracy Kedar & Ido Kedar together: The truth is, I am, I’m really thinking about, about God. Autism is a spectrum disorder Lars Penner: One of the most important things to realize is that we’re all very different from each other. Many times some of the characteristics that we take on may be the polar opposite of other people. Temple Grandin: Autism’s a true, continuous trait. I mean, if you look at the genetics, it’s little tiny code variations inside of genes, and it varies all the way from all the geniuses in Silicon Valley to an individual that’s going to remain non-verbal with lots of other problems, possibly epilepsy on top of the autism. It’s truly continuous. Tim Page: You used to say that people when they were given great gifts they were given great sorrows, and I would say that my life has been a life of verifiable great gifts but also, just as verifiable, at least for me, great sorrows. Tracy Kedar & Ido Kedar together: Autism is, is a, is a blessing and, and a curse. Liam Wagnon: I have, uh, more confidence in being unique, uh, for instance, not many people wear a red fedora. Daniel Gross: There’s no way that I would be at USC film school if it weren’t for my spending so much time like locked in the living room watching VHS tapes, but in retrospect maybe I knew in some way that if I keep watching these videotapes, if I keep doing what I’m doing and I keep exploring my interests more and more and more, that maybe odds are good that it will lead somewhere good. Alex Plank: I frequently have times where I wish that I wasn’t on the spectrum, but then I realize that it is part of who I am and I can’t change it and I’m glad that I am who I am, because if I didn’t have autism I would be a different person completely and I don’t really care to be someone different from who I am.